YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN GREEN VALLEY IF...

1. YOU CAN ENJOY CACTUS ICE CUBES.

2. YOU KNOW THE WHITE ELEPHANT IS A GREAT PLACE TO FIND A DEAL.

3. YOU ACCIDENTLY PURCHASE YOGA PANTS WITH A SKULL AND THE PHRASE "TRUE LOVE" ON THEM.

4. YOU HEAR THE SIRENS FOR EMERGENCY VEHICLES AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU SAYS "ANOTHER HOUSE FOR SALE."

5. YOU DEBATE WHICH OF THE 12 POOLS WOULD BE BEST FOR THE DAY'S SWIM.

6. PEOPLE GET ALL WORKED UP WITH A 20% CHANCE OF RAIN AND THE NEWS PUTS OUT A WINTER WEATHER ALERT.

7. YOU DAILY SEE PEOPLE STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF STREETS, DRIVING THROUGH STOP SIGNS, OR VIOLATING OTHER BASIC TRAFFIC LAWS.

8. EVERY DAY CAN BE CALLED SENIOR DAY.

9. YOUR AZ MOM SUGGESTS TAKING A WALKING STICK TO BEAT OFF COYOTES AT DUSK.

10. YOU CAN EAT LUNCH AND DINNER OUTSIDE WHILE GETTING OVERHEATED IN THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY.

11. YOU CAN CHASE A ROADRUNNER FOR 30 MINUTES TRYING TO GET THE BEST PICTURE.

12. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE UNDER AGE 55 AT THE POOL, WALMART, OR THE LOCAL POST OFFICE.

13. YOU CAN DRIVE FROM THE SWIMMING POOL TO SNOW LINE IN UNDER 30 MINUTES.

14. YOU SEE PEOPLE CARRYING THEIR MEDS OUT OF WALGREENS WITH A CASE OF LIQUOR ON A DAILY BASIS.

15. YOU DON'T BOTHER TO PACK A RAINCOAT AND NEVER THINK TWICE ABOUT THE DECISION.

16. YOU FORGET THAT FOLIAGE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE BRUSHED UP AGAINST AND END UP WITH AN ARMFUL OF CACTUS NEEDLES.

17. YOU LEARN THAT ROCKS CAN CONTAIN WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM WHICH EVENTUALLY CAUSES THEM TO DISSOLVE FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

18. THE MAIN TOPIC OF CONVERSATION AT THE POOL SOUNDS SOMETHING LIKE THIS: "2 KNEES, 3 HIPS, AND A SHOULDER. WELL, I HAD 3 KNEES, 2 HIPS, AND A SHOULDER. MY SECOND KNEE DIDN'T EVEN HURT. DR. SO AND SO IS SO GOOD."

19. YOU TELL PEOPLE YOU LIVE BY AN ARROYO RATHER THAN SAYING MY HOUSE IS BUILT BY A DITCH.

20. EVERY TIME YOU SEE A PLANE SOMEONE SAYS IT LOOKS LIKE THE BORDER PATROL.

21. YOUR FRIEND TALKS ABOUT HOW HER NEIGHBOR DENIES FEEDING THE 15 JAVELINAS OUT HER BACK PORCH.

22. YOUR FRIEND CALMLY REPORTS SEEING THE NEIGHBORHOOD BOBCAT (AND SHE'S NOT REFERENCING A MACHINE).

23. PEOPLE SAY THEY FORGET TO BE THANKFUL FOR GOOD WEATHER B/C IT'S ALWAYS SO GOOD.

24. A WINTER STORM WARNING MEANS THE TEMPERATURE MIGHT DROP 10 DEGREES...THEN AGAIN IT MIGHT NOT....

25. A 10 DEGREE DROP MEANS THE HIGH WILL ONLY BE 60.

26. A HARD FREEZE IS SURE TO LAST NO LONGER THAN 2 HOURS.

27. MESQUITE IS MORE THAN BARBECUE FLAVORING.

28. YOU KNOW THAT THE POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM FOR AN ILLEGAL IS U.D.A (UNDOCUMENTED ALIEN).

29. YOU CAN GET A FREE BUS RIDE TO THE BORDER (ON THE WAKENHUT BUS TAKING BACK RESIDENTS OF MEXICO).

30. YOU CAN FINISH THE PHRASE "THE MOUNTAINS ARE PINK, IT'S TIME TO _____."

31. YOUR FRECKLES REAPPEAR AFTER A MERE 24 HOURS OF BEING IN AZ.

32. YOUR EVENING FUN INCLUDES WHEEL OF FORTUNE, JEOPARDY, AND A DUELING OF THE REMOTES BETWEEN A LIFETIME MOVIE AND CSI.

33.YOU LOVE THE M.O.D. (THAT'S THE MANAGER OF THE DAY AT WHITE ELEPHANT)

34. YOU VOLUNTEER WITH WHITE ELEPHANT AND GO TO PICK UP A DONATION AT A RETIREMENT CENTER TO FIND AN ELDERLY MAN IN HIS UNDERWEAR WHO SAYS "COME ON IN. I'M SURE YOU'VE SEEN AN OLD MAN IN HIS UNDERWEAR BEFORE." WHILE ACTING AS IF IT IS NO BIG DEAL.